[Fake But Plausible] – Sequel to ‘Taken’

After the financial success of the 2008 action film Taken, starring an aging Liam Neeson as a badass retired military operative, the studio has announced its plans to move forward with a sequel. Neeson is reported to be reprising his role as Brian Mills, the former government agent whose search for his kidnapped daughter nearly destroyed Paris in the first film.

Image from Amazon

Liam Neeson being a badass reportedly "not a major focus" in the sequel to Taken.

The studio is reporting, however, that despite the original film’s main draw of Liam Neeson “going totally bat-shit-fuck crazy on a bunch of jerks and just straight throat punching them all to death”, critical response decried the supposed lack of a plot beyond the simple premise of a father doing everything in his power to rescue his daughter. In a response to this, the producers of the sequel (reportedly titled 2ken), have stated that although their original vision of a movie where “a totally rad dude like Liam Neeson just kicks the everloving fuck out of continental Europe for 90 awesome goddamned minutes” was well realized in the original film, the major critical concerns will be addressed in the long awaited sequel.

They went on to say “We realize that maybe awesome action and Liam Neeson aren’t enough for some people, and maybe those people are dumb stupid morons, but this is Hollywood, so we’re going to try and broaden the appeal of the sequel.” Essentially, instead of featuring 90 minutes of intense, non-stop action, the sequel will reportedly focus on the fallout from Mills’ actions in Paris. “We’re aiming for about three hours” a studio rep explained, going on to say “Yeah, I mean, there’s some complex political stuff we’re going to need to cover, like we’re going to need all that time for the international criminal trial and stuff. We really want to try and accurately convey the consequences of going on a totally badass rampage across France.”

The film is reported to focus entirely on Neeson’s character’s criminal trial, and takes place almost entirely in the courtroom, and A general plot outline released to the media describes the film as a “Total reimagining of the franchise” going on to describe the plot as “intricate, detailed, and boring as fuck”.

Asked to comment on these new developments, fans of the original film remarked “Whatever.  It still sounds better than Unknown.”

Look for “2ken” to hit theaters in late 2013.


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